Uphill Battle

So I am having one of those day. One of those stressful, can't seem to get anything done, feeling down kind of days.

Last week I did really great at the gym, only to eat SOMETHING bad nearly every day whether it was 1/3 of a kit kat, kfc for dinner, or a hot chocolate. The rest of the day I was good and by the end of the day I convinced myself I deserved s treat.

This is my downfall. I wont type up every single thing I ate, but lets just say, I kept my food diary for the whole week, and while I didn't feel as if I was eating badly at the time, when I look back it's all too clear where my problems lie. I'm an evening-rewarder.

I eat responsibly all day, fuelling my body with the fuel it needs and then at night, whether I had a good workout or not I want chocolate, or some other 'treat'.

I have worked out it is better for me to go to the gym at night, even though I prefer to go in the morning. I can't go every evening as I work some, but I will be doing Tuesday, Thursday and Friday evenings from now on.

All chocolate related products are now out of my house, so Yesterday I actually did really well!!

1 poached egg on 1 slice rye toast for breakfast, 4 cruskits with avocado, cottage cheese, tomato and tuna for lunch, nuts, and apple and some more cottage cheese for afternoon snack and roast chicken and veges for dinner. I also had some orange juice with dinner. I DID go hunting the cupboards for chocolate around 5pm, but because we had nothing that could satisfy me, I had a tomato cup-a-soup instead :) Crisis averted!

I am doing the same gym workout 4 times per week. A full body weights program, plus cardio and abs every day, with extra cardio on days in between weights.

I am feeling good, and despite some turmoil in my life at the moment, am still on the right track.

I am tired of starting over so I have decided not to give up in the first place.

Especially after last week. Sure I ate some things I shouldn't have, but I also built up some muscle!

I am going to weight myself on the body fat scales tomorrow to see what the difference is from the last time I weighed myself.

I will post the results asap! :)

Miss K x

Into it

OK, so I was SUPPOSED to post daily, but between work, my own home business and getting to the gym, there's been literally no time. My apologies.

I think from now on I will try to post as often as possible, but I am making no promises.

Straight into it! ...I went to the gym Monday and managed to convince them to give me a free 7 day pass starting on Tuesday (yay 8 free days!).

I did a good full body workout: 20 mins interval training on the treadmill, seated row, chest press, lat pull down, abductor and adductor machine(inner and outer thighs), sumo squats with a 9kg dumbbell, and tricep overhead extensions.

I ate my Choc-green smoothie for breakfast, had some nuts and banana chips mid morning, a chicken salad wrap for lunch, nuts and a can of tuna for afternoon tea and THEN...

That's when it went a little pear shaped... or should I say bacon shaped. I was craving KFC crazily for some bizarre reason, and because my partner wasn't home until late that night, I didn't want to make dinner too early SO I had 3 slices of bacon - with the fat cut off - but still.

Then a few hours later, around 6pm I made homemade low fat meatballs and rice for dinner.

Not great, but not a complete write-off, moving on.

Tuesday I went to the gym in the evening with my best friend to stop myself eating badly at that time. It mostly worked.

We did a 10 min warm up on the treadmill, then I did seated row, chest press, hamstring curl, sumo squats and crunches. Mostly because I was showing my friend some new exercises, I didn't get as much done as normal, but I still went hard and hurt by the end.

I had my choc-green smoothie for breakfast, a can of chicken and some nuts mid morning, 2 cruskits with half a can of tuna at lunch(I was in a rush to get out the door) then a chicken wrap for dinner. We were both insanely hungry still, so I settled for some pea and ham soup and an almond milk with a little choc powder to stop my cravings.

This morning I have been crazy busy with my business and then this afternoon I have the evening shift at work, so instead of going to the gym, I am going to go for a 20 minute interval walk (jog, walk, jog, walk) and do 100 - 200 sit ups when I get back.

I am not exactly clean eating so far, nearly a quarter of my food comes in cans or prepackaged, but it's much better than I was eating last week. So I'm going to stick with it, and make small changes as I go.

I refuse to count calories. Instead, I will eat healthily, a reasonable amount of protein and as many nuts, carrots, fruit and veges as I feel like.

On that note, I need to cut up a bag of carrots at some point today so they are easy to grab and eat!

I am eating too much protein at the moment, I know my own body and I know from experience that I need about 25gms of protein a day to lose weight properly. Once my carrots are done, this will definitely help. But until then, I have to watch myself.

All I have had today is half a small tub of cottage cheese, because that's all I've had time for. I will be nibbling on nuts while out and about and before work, I will be having tuna, avocado and tomato on crackers (rye cruskits).

Here is my food plan for the fortnight as promised. I haven't exactly stuck to it perfectly, and I won't be having quiche tonight as I don't have enough time to make it today, but I will take soup instead and swap quiche to another day.

I also bought new clothes, undies, more bras and I found gym pants that don't fall down! The last ones I bought, they don't make anymore, but the Michelle Bridges one active ones that go to your knees and have the pink top, stay up perfectly! I bought size 16 (normally 18) so that they stay tight, and they did! PERFECT! No muffin topping, keeps everything where it should be, even when running.

Very happy.

OK, I am off for my run now. Blog again soon!

Miss K :)

And so it begins...

I am typing this while drinking my almost green smoothie! Almost, because I had to add a little chocolate powder to it to make it taste better!

As I officially start tomorrow, today is a trial run, plus shopping day.

I bought a new pair of gym pants yesterday and some bras, which I will test today by going for a run. If they don't fall down while I am running, then I shall buy some more!

Anyway, first things first. My almost green smoothie.

1 frozen banana
1 cup almond milk
2 teaspoons wheat germ
2 teaspoons vital greens powder (basically all the good green veges in powder form)
2 teaspoons benefibre (as an added measure, though I'll be getting plenty of fibre on this diet so that will eventually go)

and LASTLY, because I wasn't a big fan of the taste of this with honey, or with vanilla extract, I added

2 teaspoons of cadbury drinking chocolate, I know, it's not ideal, BUT I will be investing in some high quality chocolate protein powder when I get paid, so that will replace the drinking chocolate (which will be thrown out, or given away).

Yummy!

I have a huuuuuge 'to do' list today, which, if you knew me, wouldn't surprise you at all. I like to be busy and I like to get stuff done.

It's so refreshing to be 100% honest about everything. From my before photos, to my weight, to every single ingredient in what I eat.

For so long I've been so ashamed that I can't tell anyone what I weigh, I substitute ingredients in what I've eaten to sound less bad and I have avoided doing any form of clothes shopping with anyone.

Not anymore, I have embraced the fact that I need larger clothes. For now. I am not even exactly sure what size I am.

My pants range from size 16 - 20, and my tops range from 16 - 24(when I really want a baggy, loose fitting singlet, which I always do for the gym).

With all this honesty, I have decided to finally tell my best friend how much I weigh, seeing as she is part of my support system and will be joining the gym with me.

Anyway, I am off to go for a run (and by run I mean walking, jogging, walking , jogging, walking) to test my new gym pants.

I am starting my 5 day free pass to my new gym of choice tomorrow, I will write all about it when I get home.

Tata for now! x

The Dreaded Before photos...

So every successful weight loss story begins with some before photos.

These are always highly embarrassing and gives a "How the hell did I let myself get this way" moment to the person in them.

I took my photos yesterday and was NOT happy at all.

*Deep breath* Here they are...

So, while that is painful sharing that with the world, it gives me something to look at and think "Never again". For the first time I have shared photos with the world instead of locking them away on my computer, never to look at them again.

I won't bother pointing out everything I hate about these photos. It's simple. I want to cut the fat. I want to have a nice back with no rolls, I want a flat stomach and I want to fit into smaller clothes. 

The next steps over the next week will be:

Finding old pictures from when I was 18 - 19yrs old and posting them(inspiration).

Buying a new gym wardrobe to feel the part(fake it till you make it).

Writing out my food plan to start on Monday(which I will post).

Joining the gym with my best friend and booking it into my diary.

I will also write up my daily workouts as well, as a record for myself and to keep me accountable.

On a side note, these are my new sports bras in the photo, They are the most comfortable sports bras I have ever owned(especially as someone with bigger breasts). I will be buying more and will describe them in my new gym clothes post. 

Research Headaches!

So it's been 2 days since I made the decision to start PT sessions or bootcamp of some kind.

There's not a lot of trainers in my area who I don't know(and I don't really want to train with one I know).

And honestly? The only PT in my area I didn't know was a tiny, skinny little thing who looked like she'd never had a bloated day in her life. Note to future self: When you lose all your excess fat, and you are personal training again, use your before and after shot to help show people you KNOW what it's like.

After much research I have decided to join a gym that offers 6am bootcamp sessions as part of it's group fitness timetable. What a great Idea! This particular gym has just changed into a 24 hour gym as well, and to top it all off, it's in a location I feel quite safe being in at night time.

I have asked my best friend to join me and she has agreed. Although she will only be joining for 3 months, and I will be going for 6 months, I feel that this is enough time to get me back into the swing of things and shift some fat off my body.

Once I hit that 95kg mark, I think I will gain back a little of my gym-savvy confidence. Walking into the free-weights section like I own the place and all! I lost this confidence a while back and it has been the main reason I have avoided the gym, which turns into a vicious cycle of eating badly and not exercising.

I am hoping by that stage I will be fitting back into some size 16 jeans. I would LOVE to wear some nice jeans again for christmas (even though it will be boiling!).

I am really looking forward to getting back that feeling of exercising daily, loving it, enjoying it and looking forward to it! I think having the 24 hour option at my gym will help as well, if I want to go late at night or early in the morning before my own 6am shifts I can!

I am going to have a tour of the facilities Thursday night with my friend and see if we can manage a free week pass to see what it's like.

My fridge, freezer and pantry also had an overhaul today. I threw out everything that was not part of the plan. We will do our food shopping on Thursday, in the meantime, I am going to write up our meal plan.. and yes, I shall post it for all to see.

Complete honesty is the aim of this blog after all. After Thursday I may also start updating my daily 'eats'. I need to be held accountable, and the best way to do that is a food diary, on here, where anyone can see it... yikes!

So that's me signing off for now. More updates coming soon.

Four long years

Firstly, I want to apologise to those who previously commented on my posts.

Life got in the way of my writing and weight loss journey. I haven't been on here in years, and quite frankly, after 6-12 months I forgot I even created this blog. Mostly due to the fact I gained weight, and was busy doing other things like saving to buy our first home and renovating our house.

I really hope everyone else has reached their goals and are living happy fulfilled lives.

My weight loss journey has turned into a weight gain journey and has created problems and worries for me. I am still with my partner of 6 years, who is still personal training. I however, gave up on personal training several years ago due to a high level of embarrassment.

Instead of having a series of inspiring weight loss photos I have a series of photos documenting my weight gain. Along with those I have my first ever stretch marks, unwanted cellulite and a  chin that almost touches my chest when I lay down.

I am at my lowest point. I swore I'd never let myself get to this point. Ever. I used to think the more you weighed, the easier it is to lose weight. It is not. It gets harder.

We recently did a detox which included 2 weeks of nothing but fruit and vegetables, introducing some light proteins in week two. On this, I lost 4.5kgs, so I know it is possible once I make the decision to commit. That was 7 weeks ago.

At my absolute heaviest I weighed in at a SHOCKING 116.7kgs. I am mortified. I sank into a depression. I haven't bought new clothes in over a year because I cannot bear to buy jeans larger than an Australian size 18. I can get into an 18, but it causes the ever grotesque muffin-topping. After my detox, I reached 112.7kgs. I have since gained almost 2kgs and weight in currently at 114.6kgs.

I am now finally, after many tries, committing myself to finally make my weight loss journey. I have some new goals to keep me on track to think about daily.

I want to fit into size 12 clothes again.
I want to feel healthy and happy about myself.
I want to be able to run 5km without stopping.
I want to feel sexy wearing bathers or underwear.
I want to fuel my body with the best foods to help my body last longer.
I want to not wonder what I look like from certain angles.
I want to feel attractive again, especially when out with friends. Getting checked out really builds a girls self esteem.
I want to go shopping and come home happy with a bunch of new clothes I could fit into.

I feel like I have almost given up on the idea that I could be beautiful. I don't have a bad looking face, but now, it's overshadowed by my body. I am defined not as a person, but as a "fat person". The worst part is, in my own head I have defined myself as a "fat-person". But I am fighting this. I am surrounded by friends and family who tell me I am beautiful all the time. I believe it. I just need to believe in myself.

Also, I am full of fear.

Fear of failure.
Fear that if I succeed, I will have saggy skin all over.
Fear that I will gain it all back.

I am fighting these fears with every ounce of my being. I have to tell myself I can do it! If I have any excess skin then so what? I will save up and get surgery if I must, and once it's done, I son't want to go back.

I am  a month away from turning 25. It's go time!

I am in the process of finding a personal trainer away from my work (I still do customer service at the gym I used to work at). It is unbelievably difficult to train where you work when overweight. These people see me every day. They are the ones who will judge me. I have claimed I am losing weight so many times I feel like the boy who cried wolf. SO I am doing it right. A personal trainer or regular boot camp sessions, a healthy eating plan (based on the detox as I know that it works and I have faith in it), and a supportive close knit group of people who know what I am doing and support me, including my mum, partner and best friend.

This of course includes anyone reading this blog. I'm not ready to take this public as far as social networking goes. Though I am sure once I reach my goal weight, I wont mind sharing it.

I am scared. I am determined. I am gassy... just kidding! (well the last one anyway). I really am determined. I feel as if every slip up I have had, every diet I have been on has been preparing me for this time. The time for talk is over. It's time for action.

My first goal:
To weigh 94.6kgs or less by christmas eve.
To commit to, and follow through with at least 3 personal training sessions or bootcamp sessions per week. Plus daily interval training(walking and jogging).
To follow our heathy eating plan at least 80-90% of the time.

It's just over 20 weeks to Christmas so thats just under a kilo a week. Totally doable!

I would love to feel comfortable enough to go take pole dancing lessons, go horse riding and start martial arts. Once I reach my goal, I will reward myself with one, or all of these activities.

This is a big commitment, it is going to be tough. BUT I will succeed. I must. I want to live my life to the fullest. No more stepping back. No more staying home. No more saying yes to unhealthy foods. No more avoiding exercise. No more negative mindset. No more excuses!

Ok, I'm Back

First of all, it has been a while, I have had reduced access to the internet, and as such was unable to post :(
Straight to the facts, I let off for a while, just focussing on work and stressing out etc etc, but like i know theres really no excuses, thats why I'm pleased to report i am now down another 2.5 kgs. I am 86.5!!! not alot factoring in the fact its been three months since my last post but nonetheless, better then gaining all new weight. I am working on a few new projects at the moment, which are quite physical and i have been training most days for at least an hour.
I am feeling alot better within my own skin, almost me again when I was doing my cert 3 in fitness when my fascination with fitness began those short few years ago.
I have found, that although i felt a little weird personal training people when I myself wasn't the perfect example of healthiness, I have discovered there are those who don't mind, they can see i know what i'm talking about, and together meybe we can all lose the excess fat.

As such my Partner and I are setting up our own personal training business over the next few weeks, with 3 people already set to get training and many more out there that I hope will enjoy our training...

In conclusion, I'm still on the wagon, i never fell off, i just stopped moving forward as such for a few months while I made a few life changing decisions! consider me back in on the postingness and stay posted for updates on my own personal journey :)